Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Descriptive Paragraph
The door was blasted open, a hard featured man holding a Thompson stepped into the room. Wearing a suit of great expense he looked of great importance and intimidation. His lips bitter and dry like dried fruit in the sun; burned and brittle from the cigarette. The man's face hardened and beat is a a crumpled and torn piece of paper that has aged many years, yet he is not as old as he should look. A large hat masked the evil twinge his eyes revealed as he looks back into your eyes as you taste the blood forced up through your body as you take yet another bullet again and again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
In your secons sentance "Of" Is used twice, it sounds a bit odd. You might consider changing that. You also need a comma in your fourth sentance after "face" and "Beat"You also have 2 "A"'s I like the repetitivness in your last sentance as it it makes you think "It repeprtative"Then you say againand agin. It'snice, it flows. Good work
ReplyDelete